Hari ni hari ke-53 setelah Ziyad lahir dan aku dah masuk kerja unofficially. Cuti ada lagi 1 minggu tapi aku dtg kerja sbb aku harus buat kelas kalau tak jenuh aku nak menggantinya bila nak abis sem nnt. Plz jgn puji sbb aku tau aku rajin..haha
Dulu aku pernah cite pasal sambung belajar dan skrg tibalah masanya untuk lebih serius ke arah itu..offer letter dah dapat dan dijangka akan reg bulan Feb 2012. Sebelum dpt sambung belajar haruslah dapatkan penajaan dulu. Disebabkan aku bekerja dgn badan berkanun di bawah Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi (KPT), maka matlamat aku skrg mula2 masuk kerja setelah lama bercuti ialah nak dptkan biasiswa tu lah...dan masuk2 je kije dpt tahu yang Mesyuarat Jawatankuasa Cuti Belajar akan diadakan pada 6 Oktober 2011 nnt. Skrg permohonan semua dah online dan perlu disertakan dgn semua dokumen sokongan yang diperlukan. Siang tadi aku dah isi dan hantar permohonan tu..maka skrg haruslah bersedia mental dan fizikal untuk menghadapi inteviu masa mesyuarat tu nanti...Aku doakan semoga aku dapat mengharungi interview tu dgn tenang dan dpt biasiswa yang diidamkan..bak kata seorang pegawai KPT waktu aku berkursus dulu...Dua kegembiraan sebelum sambung belajar ialah..yang pertama dpt offer letter, yang kedua ialah dapat scholarship...dan selepas kedua-dua kegembiraan tersebut dirasai maka bermulalah azab nya belajar.
Azab? Susah? Mati? Gila?
Itu adalah semua perkataan -ve yang aku dgr dari rakan2 yg dah ada PhD. Perasaan nak sambung belajar hari ini tidak sama waktu Master dulu. Dulu aku sgt positif dan rasa mcm "aku pandai". Tapi kali ni aku rasa terlalu -ve. Mampukah aku. Dengan anak 3 dan umur yg dah makin tua ni. Aku confuse.
Ketakutan aku mungkin kerana melihat org lain yang single dan ada yang baru ada anak 1. Tapi aku dah beranak 3, suami pula kdg2 ada kdg2 tak ada (mcm biskut je!). Ditambah lagi dgn pelbagai pengalaman mereka2 yang dah ber DR. Banyak susah dari senang. Persoalannya mampukah aku?
Benar kata seorang kawan..PhD ni mendekatkan kita kpd Allah. Aku baru je stage nak mintak biasiswa. Tapi aku takut. Takut proposal aku not feasible. Aku berasa aku tidak pandai skrg. Yang mampu aku lakukan skrg hanya berserah, bertawakal kpd Mu Ya Allah.
Mengatasi mood yang ups and down ni,aku cuba menggoogle dan terjumpa ni..
Self assessment test..ayuh kawan2 moh kita test ni.
Ask yourself why you want to do a Ph.D.
What does a Ph.D. mean to you? Does it mean anything to you in particular? Or rather, it
means so much to your parents, to your institution, to your boss or subordinates at your
work place or etc.
No matter what the answer would be, be true to yourself because it is important to find
out why you want to do it before you spend your life on it.
• I want to do a PhD because I cannot get a good job.
• I need to be promoted in my work and one way is to do a PhD.
• I want to further my study and contribute some knowledge to the field.
• My dad wants me to do a PhD so that he will be proud of me.
• My organization has collaborated with a funding agency, and a task under the
agreement requires a PhD to do it. It happens that I’m the only person who is good
enough for PhD. That is why I must do it.
Have you got a research topic yet?
If you have one or several topics, it means that at least you have something you are
interested in. You’ve been reviewing literatures and you know what are still not known in
the field. In some instances your supervisor may want you to do what he is interested in
or you may want your supervisor to tell you what topic you should work on. In which
case you would jump into it willingly because you can expect that he will frequently tell
you what is the next step to do. Well if that is the case you should get back to the first
question and try to answer yourself what PhD means to you and what do you want from PhD.
This doesn’t mean that only a person with honors can do Ph.D. In fact, you don’t need to
be closer to the top of your class. But there are a lot of times that you need to be able to
earn new things by yourself. Basic knowledge and understanding of science and apply
mathematics would help a lot.
Do you have time to pursue it?
PhD is a full time research work, not a part time, sometime or free time job. If you
haven’t realize this you will be amazed how time passes by so quickly that you haven’t
achieved what you expect for. Make sure that you have enough time out of the routine job that earn your living and out of your demanding family.
Are you tough enough to work under PhD pressure?
A lot of hard work just to obtain all related literatures, data, etc let alone learning new theories and skill such as using a statistical package or understand behavioral science. Get along with your supervisor is another thing. Your hard work does not meet or even close to your supervisor’s expectations. Can you take that? It doesn’t mean every supervisor is nasty. It is the combination of a lot of things; yourself, your topic, your supervisors, your stubbornness or his ignorant.
The power of stay and struggling along
Fighting, no I don’t mean fight with your supervisors unless he has a bad intention.
You’ve got to stay with your research, just don’t burst out or give up. You can give up
alright if you don’t want to do it anymore but don’t give up because it is too difficult or you don’t know what to do next and you are being despair. That doesn’t help because it’s going to stay at the back of your head throughout your life that you cannot finish your PhD. Day in and day out you must do it. It’s a tiring job. Taking a rest when you feel so, then contemplating about it, get another approach in doing it, and try it again!!!
Maturity and self-motivation
Maturity and self motivation and the ability to work both independently and as a team
player in local and international research teams are expected. Are you self-motivated
enough to keep working toward a goal without your supervisor’s day-to-day
encouragement? At the same time, be real. Don’t set a very big and difficult goal of
changing the world or become the most famous researcher for the field. It would come as
a result of hard work only, not by dreaming on it. You will also have more freedom to
determine your daily schedule and set your own goals. A lot of students spend their times
enjoying socialize activities. Being a Ph.D. candidates is blessing for the others and you
may like to appear in social functions. But are you prepared to accept the responsibility
that comes with such freedoms? Your success or failure in Ph.D. research depends on it.
Theses and discoveries often arise when old facts are scrutinized and looked at in a new
way. Are you delighted when solving problems? Or most of the time you are good at
avoiding problems. Do you like brain games and puzzles? Did you find logical thinking
enjoyable or boring? Do you often see things that most people could not see or tend to
ignore? Ask yourself sincerely.
Sense of wonder
Have you always been trying to understand things going on around you and to find out
how things work? A sense of wonder and curiosity is the spirit of researching. Do you
find yourself always arguing for minimum requirements or you find that thing just get too
interesting so that you explore further on your own?
Most students understand Ph.D. study vaguely. It is an abrupt and unexpectedly change
from course work. Suddenly students fall into a question in which no one knows the
answers, students sometimes frustrated and burst out. Can you adapt to new ways of
looking at things? Are you willing to search for answers even when no one knows the
If you choose to enroll in a Ph.D. program, you will compete with others at the top. More
important, once you graduate, you will be amongst the brightest people in the world and
you will be judged in comparison to them. Ph.D. is not the end result. Rather, it is a
starting point and there is a never ending path ahead of you. Are you willing to compete
with yourself at the Ph.D. level?
Some students found out that they enroll in a Ph.D. program for the wrong reasons.
Before starting one should be aware that a Ph.D. is not:
• A way to impress your family or friends
• A way to tell people how smart you are
• Prestigious thing to be achieved
• A guarantee of respect from your community
• The only research topic you will ever pursue
• An entry passes to easy money jobs
Understanding of things will make us more capable of dealing with them. Understanding
Ph.D. life would certainly help you making more realistic decision for yourself.
Semoga aku berada di jalan yang benar...Doakan aku kawan!